Sunday, 11 January 2015

Born asleep: A story of loss and hope

Thirty four years ago today, on a pretty similar bleak, grey day that only January can produce I was just walking into a parallel bleak grey mindset that has remained a part of me ever since. I was a patient in the then locally infamous Newham Maternity Hospital at Forest Gate awaiting the birth of our first child. A naiive 23 year old, I read every childcare and pregnancy book available to man and even borrowed my friend's midwifery book. This was either a blessing or a mistake because I devoured this too-pragmatically observing that although some awful things can happen-most people deliver safely.

My pregnancy was uncomfortable, I enlarged to the size of a small blue whale, had constant sickness, fatigue and raised blood pressure. My registrar (I never saw the consultant until the day of delivery-he was much too important)was contentious from the off-disbelieving my dates. As a young "primagravida" (I picked up all the terms) I was suspected of knowing nothing... or having a brain... and when I argued and said that I had felt movement at the correct time for a first baby-she dismissed it as wind.  She then reset my dates from 17 January 1981 to 28 February 1981!

I felt massive panic! I knew I was a novice at this pregnancy game but I knew my dates were not that far adrift. Cutting a long and painful story short-at about lunchtime on 11 January a baby monitor was strapped to my expanding girth and there was no rhythmic heart beat-just a dull empty crackle. 

Then, the worst 36 hours of my life began. I eventually delivered a 4lb 8oz boy at 10-30pm on 12 January 1981.The breech birth was incredibly traumatic, painful and it was only due to the skill of the midwives that I came through in one piece. The NHS at its best-and its worst! Forest Gate Maternity hospital was busy, overcrowded, under-funded and had a bad reputation due to various cases of baby death and professional mistakes.(Sound familiar?) We had many complaints and indignities throughout the process-but the skill of the midwives got us through. A catalogue of errors would have made a lawyer rub his hands and I am sure we could have sued successfully.

We discussed with our GP what action to take-we were never inclined to litigate. After all-this would not bring Jonathan (that's what we called him) back, it wouldn't make us feel better and nothing positive could come from this. As far as we could see, it would put more financial pressure on an already restricted service. Instead we made formal complaints and decided next time to attend University College Hospital-which we did, under the amazing "Prof" Brant-the total antithesis of the consultant I had previously had. Later, I had equally excellent care at Furness General Hospital with my last child in 1993. 

I blundered through the stages of grief and adopted the approach that if people ignored that we had had a baby-I would tell them! Cathartic for me -maybe not for them!There was no grief counselling then! I had my first piece of published writing in Parents magazine and campaigned for recognition of stillbirth-it was still taboo in '81! Luckily, people like Esther Rantzen suddenly began campaigning for better care and charities like SANDS (est 1978) started to gain a higher profile. I went onto have four more pregnancies-resulting in three live births.So NHS fails: one NHS successes: three! Had I litigated I think I would still be firmly locked into the anger stage of grief and may not have had other children, so I am glad I made the choice. 
Stillbirth is something, until you or someone you know experiences it, that people believe is rare and consigned to the history books. Sadly it isn't. Its still far too common. Amazing leaps forward have been made in pre-natal care and some very premature babies now survive. I myself was premature weighing only 3lbs-again because the placenta didn't function properly-but due to an amazing obstetrician Mr Garth Stoneham I survived and so did my mum. It seemed incongruous that I survived in 1957 and yet my son died in 1981. However, I do believe, that despite the standard of care I received, with a failing placenta, confusion over dates, a breech birth, I think retrospectively we would have been very lucky to have a successful outcome, but of course we will never know. 

Thankfully, according to research "Perinatal mortality rates have fallen by a third since 1982. It is felt that general improvements in healthcare, midwifery and neonatal intensive care are bringing about the gradual decline in deaths". 

I do become concerned that a lack of funds, resources and staff; which certainly contributed to my loss, is once again becoming apparent today. This always leads to a vicious circle of low staff morale, damage to reputations and possible closure. I hope that this will not happen! In an overworked system someone with problems or fitting the at risk demographic will be less secure.

According to research on 2012 "a study of stillbirths in England showed the risk to be significantly higher where the growth restriction was not detected antenatally, suggesting this is an important avenue for reducing stillbirth rates in the future. It concluded strategy should focus on improving antenatal detection of growth restriction and subsequent management of pregnancy and delivery!"

 Surely, with the correct level of resourcing this is am area which can be improved. It is very hopeful, as long as financial cut backs don't prevent such progress. I am not foolish enough to believe that all stillbirths can be eradicated; it is part of natural selection; but any improvement for mothers is good and I like to think that as few people as possible would go through this traumatic experience as possible. Which is why we must fight tooth and nail to retain the quality of the NHS and ensure that we demand the continued support for our local services. Standards must always come under scrutiny and care must continue to improve. However, continued bad publicity and criticism must reduce-we could complain ourselves out of a service at all! Newham Hospital was soon replaced by a new and hopefully better hospital; but this won't happen at Furness-more likely the maternity service in its current form will disappear. Funding restrictions can be disguised as "improvement". Thirty four years on don't let us slip into the past-to an under-funded, poorly valued system used as a political football by the Tories! It's our NHS let's fight to keep it!



Tuesday, 2 December 2014

Civic Pride and common sense restored

I wondered if I would be writing a positive blog tonight-one tends to be a bit cynical about developers and councils, but I have to say I am delighted that I can!

The Planning committee of Barrow Borough Council showed great resilience, wisdom and foresight in their decision to refuse planning permission for Story Homes to build 38 houses on the green field site on Manor Road. We have fought a public campaign for a year and its been a hard slog. We are an eclectic bunch-a range of ages, backgrounds, politics-but with one common cause-we all love and believe in the preservation of Furness Abbey. This one fact united us... and upwards of 3000 other people across Barrow, Cumbria and the world! Literally! This upsurge of public opinion could not fail to impress even the recalcitrant Story Homes and the council actually stated that it was not the normal response to planning applications in the borough. In fact it was uncommon and had certainly influenced the committee. This is not surprising -after all the committee are elected servants of the public and really ought to listen-but the impression is often that they don't!

I am proud of our democratic system today and of the council! They were unafraid to stand up against the developers and risk going to appeal. Charles Wilton the Planning Officer countered the abusive and aggressive attack on the committee and the Planning Officers by Story Homes; which was unworthy and unprofessional. He justified the refusal with two main points- heritage and setting! This reason is more powerful than any other because the setting and heritage are sacrosanct and unchangeable. Once gone they cant be brought back and restored! This is too important to be ignored and the planners and committee saw the validity of this argument!

Some of the issues which have arisen have surprised me. The procedural and structural issues which these things are governed by. For instance- the comment that English Heritage could have/should have done more. I accept-I initially believed that they would ride up "knight in shining armour-like" to help. I knew they cared about the abbey-after all-they have spent £2 million on holding it up. We at Furness Abbey Fellowship work with them and they frequently visit-indeed I had the pleasure of meeting Simon Thurley their CEO at the abbey! So I admit I was furious and devastated at their lack of action. 

However, after an initial barrage of ire via social media, we arrange to see the chap who had made the report. He was a very balanced, educated and knowledgeable man-who has spent many years visiting Furness Abbey and genuinely cares about it. We even viewed the field and discussed at length, the wall, the gateway and the heritage approach. He explained that it wasn't as easy as saying "No-its too near the abbey". In fact all kinds of structures were in place to stop him-the line he walks is strictly governed by a framework. This being so he can't comment on flooding, traffic etc because these are other agencies departments! The heritage he is concerned with is the actual abbey precinct-the peripheral wall and gate and approach have in fact been protected -because Story Homes had to amend plans on numerous occasions before EH would accept them. What they were left with were plans for an estate which they could not say would cause harm-but neither could they say it wouldn't! They can't make claims which can't be upheld in law! Therefore they are in a difficult position-they have had to settle for allowing plans which "might" do no harm. This seems ridiculous but they can only do what is allowed! Ideally they probably wouldn't want the houses but can't refuse outright.

In the same vein the Cumbria Highways Department do us no favours. They too are limiting their judgment to the actual estate-which doesn't seem too harmful. However, someone needs to look objectively at the traffic issue-because its not good! Any Barrow resident knows that Rating Lane is a nightmare and is an accident waiting to happen-which this or any other similar development would exacerbate. We the public can see this-but in the red tape world of procedure, this is apparently impossible. Similarly, the flooding evidence is not strongly upheld because of predictive maps and graphs. Yet we see floods over the last few years-and we have photographic evidence!

So this very strange state of affairs is obviously why we all believe the planners and Councillors aren't listening to us! Its because they are all so tied up with regulation and red tape that they can't. This is where we need to look! We must somehow get rid of this chess game-it does us no favours and it allows people to manipulate the system. The basic rights and wrongs are forgotten in place of process driven rubbish! Today Joe Public has spoken and been listened to. The council have stepped out of the box and haven't been swayed by fancy words and big business. They have done the right thing! I hope that this is the final chapter-but if its not-trust me-we will go on! We will continue to fight-against the odds-until the day is finally won for good!


Thursday, 13 November 2014

Remembering. Dangerous? Disrespectful? Disappointing?

From being a child and hearing stories of sacrifice, bravery and loss during World War 1 I have been keyed into the "culture" of remembrance. My Granddad's tinted photograph of him on his cavalry mount, with his medals in the frame, was ever present. I was magnetically drawn to it. A brave soldier in times long ago-it seemed to me and even at six I was history mad. Ben Cowan left the world three months after I entered. I don't have any real memory of him but my dad, Nannie and aunts kept his memory alive with stories-so much so I almost believed I knew him.

I recall hearing the soundtrack to Lawrence of Arabia on the radio when I was about six. Oddly, I felt sad and the music made me think of Granddad. I don't know if this was subconscious but I later discovered he had served in Palestine and had actually seen TE Lawrence. He had spent 1914-18 on the Somme and then was deployed to the Holy Land where he remained until 1919. He was finally shipped out ill with malaria and dysentery. 

That connection with Granddad continued-I was shown a memorial at Barrow Railway Station-there was another Cowan. William Cowan Border Regiment it said. He was Granddad's brother and had worked for Furness Railway, like Granddad. He had been killed in 1917. Later I discovered another brother (he was one of 12 siblings), Bob, had died in 1916 on the 5th day of the Battle of the Somme. These ghostly figures-wafted in and out of my consciousness, only to be remembered when I had to undertake a project in 1st Year at the Grammar School on World War 1. 
Ben Cowan 4/7 Dragoons

This time information and a picture came from my aunt. Another brother lost to the conflict. This time my Nannie's. I became fascinated in my family tree and this young man Gunner John Wilkinson began to grow in my mind.Many years later I finally managed to piece together more and more information about all three and my sister treated me to a War Graves trip for my 40th birthday.

I began to understand why my usually tough dad cried at the Remembrance services and always wore a poppy. The gap between the generations narrowed. These "boys" were no longer ethereal shadows, they took on form and reality and their lives blossomed into proper biographies. As I stood next to the graves at Wimeraux, Faubourg d'Amiens and at the Thiepval Monument (Bob had not been found) their short lives resonated.  I had two boys of my own-how would I have coped with them not coming back from war? How would I have watched them go in the first place? Then, looking at the thousands of graves stretching across France, how many other mothers must have suffered just like my great grandmother? Suddenly, the impact hit and I could see the vast enormity and horror of what had happened so long ago.
William Cowan 1st Border Regiment
This experience was life changing for me and I have tried to pass it onto my own children. Its a vain hope that we can learn from this fairly recent history-after all 100 years in terms of family isn't that long. It can be easily dismissed if one doesn't know the human stories and trivialised and it seems to me its our responsibility to tell those stories to our children. I shared Michael Morpurgo's War Horse and Private Peaceful with pupils and we read the account of the Christmas Truce of 1914... all a little dramatic and sentimental. All a bit overblown and heart rending. But dangerous? Disrespectful? I don't think so. They were aimed at inspiring an emotional response, yes even sentimental, but not in a bad way. Yet the new Sainsbury's advert has been attacked for just those reasons-and of course because of the commercial purpose of an advert.
Gunner John Wilkinson RGA

Personally, I think we have to use every means possible to engage children and the general public. We want them to empathise and understand. In these days of horrific brutality and constant conflict people are almost desensitized and if this advert and the Tower poppies allow people to step back and say "Wow! I didn't realise how many died" or think "I won't vote for any government who implements an illegal war" then I don't care how schmaltzy or sentimental the means are. These things are memorable and make an impact. Its easy for commentators to declare that these things "beautify" or "trivialise" I don't believe they are right.
Bob Cowan 8th Border Regiment
Yes Sainsburys has made an advert. Yes theyre making money. But they are donating money to Royal British Legion! They are drawing attention to a relevant piece of history. I think people are missing the point! Its all meant to leave a bad taste in the mouth and its meant to play with the emotions! Its horrific to think human beings can put aside difference for a moment and then return to killing! Its poignant because its underlining this aspect of our very flawed nature! It also brings the devastation and futility of war to a new generation of people who connect with youtube videos. Maybe it will give people pause for thought...
"Imagine there's no countries It isn't hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too Imagine all the people living life in peace"

Friday, 17 October 2014

Spooky stories getting darker!

Well its almost here-the time for publication of my third YA fantasy story Out of Time 3: The Cistercian Conspiracywww.out-of-time.co.uk! The official release date is 28th November but I have advance copies...many of them! Nothing makes the heart skip a beat more than unwrapping the new book for the first time! I am particularly pleased with this one as the cover is even more spectacular and mysterious than the previous two. 

I absolutely love the cover and it is just as I envisaged it-thanks to a talented young man called Stuart Appley who has a company called Comely Media. He is a great historian and is in tune with my ideas-as evidenced by the cover and the promo films he did previously. Equally, congratulations go to Troubador Publishing and their Matador imprint-the quality of the book is excellent once again.

So what of the story? Well without giving too much away (after all I do want you all to actually buy it) this is a darker and more desperate tale. The story focuses on the third sibling in Out of Time and we meet new and old characters. Another time frame is introduced and we explore a real event in the rich history of Furness Abbey, the notorious murder of Abbot L or J depending on which interpretation you use. The story culminates in a fight with the dark side to win the treasure but the end leaves the reader with a cliff hanger!

To celebrate the third book I will be signing at a range of venues; kicking off with Dalton Library and Waterstones in Barrow-in-Furness on Saturday 29th November. I will post further details soon and I will be engaging with schools in the Cumbria area, offering author days and workshops. In 2015 I will hopefully be extending my reach to other areas as well and if you would like me to visit your bookshop, school or group you can locate me on the new website - www.out-of-time.co.uk -again created by another talented person-Naomi Chadd of Windmill Websites.

Sunday, 7 September 2014

The demise of heritage and my youth

Its been a funny old week of ups and downs and sadly ending on a down. Photos are coming in on social media of a fire at Parkview School-or as I know it the Grammar School! Its actually not a fire its a total conflagration. I feel so sad to see it end in this way-bad enough that it was to be demolished but to end this way in an arbitrary fire seems disrespectful somehow. I know there are people out there who saw it as a symbol of outmoded elitism-and maybe it was-but despite that and the strict regime we worked under-it holds fond memories for me.

I have a lot to thank my old school for-I loved much of it-and spent the rest of the time I scuttled about like a frightened rabbit. However, it gave me the chance to meet some life long friends and in the last few years we built relationships that cant be diluted or destroyed by absence, distance or time. The building itself was a grand affair that smacked of academia (or at least in my 11 year old mind it did), it echoed with the footsteps of girls who had gone on to do great things and it provided aspiration to girls from all backgrounds. Yes, it was selective, but that was the idea-it might seem flawed to us but it served its purpose at the time. To judge it with post-comprehensive eyes is to do it a disservice.  
Before-Janet my school pal and me outside the Grammar School

Personally I would have liked to have seen it preserved or conserved as it was a splendid building-and the Grammar Schools whether the detractors like it or not were important buildings in the history of the town-indeed two more lovely buildings wiped away-only preserved in photos. 
The fire tonight (courtesy Facebook)

Its a great loss and it pains me to see it go up in flames-one wonders who started it-it will certainly facilitate a speedier demolition and clearance, but whether vandals or others it has removed that final spark of hope that some element of it might be kept and remembered. I just hope that other important  building sites don't suddenly find themselves "accidentally" damaged to allow a speedier conclusion. I would hate to hear of an accidental excavation by a rogue digger up at Manor Rd ... but who knows? But that is another story for another day. So tonight it is goodbye to the old school and good bye to my youth... it kind of signals the final coming of age-bridges (or schools) burnt forever.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Just when you thought it was all over...

I am afraid I have not blogged for some time for a number of reasons-work, family and busy. I had hoped I would be jolly and philosophical but no I am back to being Mrs Angry of Barrow with a splash of Emmeline Pankhurst and Bouddicca! I apologise in advance!

Today three members of the press contacted me re the news that Story Homes had finally put in their planning for houses within the conservation area near to Furness Abbey on Manor Road. The outcry when their first proposal was introduced in March was huge! An online petition reached upwards of 2000 signatures very quickly and then individuals also sent opposing letters to the council planning department. Most local people were horrified that this small piece of green belt-the final piece on the approach to the amazing Furness Abbey was even being considered as a viable building site. At the preview of the plans Story Homes were arrogant in the extreme and certainly had no understanding of the local heritage. They openly admitted that they wanted to break into the Barrow area as we "don't have many homes of quality". Their original plans were for 50 homes with no special measures to safeguard the abbey perimeter wall and West Gate-with no provision for affordable housing.

After seeing the level of public opposition and indeed taking on board some of what was said-they tried to improve or streamline the plans-they had even suggested they would pop in a few affordable homes too. However this was not necessary because in the council housing plans for the district this was already catered for, they have dropped that and reduced it to 38 executive homes with upto 5 bedrooms-for workers who come to Barrow to work at BAE on new large contracts. So-not even for the local community. They have skipped over the heritage and environmental issues with a ludicrous "corridor" to protect the wall. Story Homes said it is confident the layout will alleviate any fears raised by the public about negative impact on the nearby Furness Abbey. Well actually the only possible way to do that is NOT to build at all! As for the flooding issues-these are rarely solved by adding more building which produces 50% more run off-and guess where it will all go? Yes down stream to the abbey itself!

They are trying to sweeten the pill by offering to create a playground in Barrow. Yeah...that will do it! Exchange a playground for a heritage conservation area! Perfect! After all we will all be admiring that in 900 years wont we?

Anyway the battle lines are drawn-so if you want to help please sign the petition and state why you are opposed-or it isn't valid!
https://www.change.org/en-GB/petitions/jason-hipkiss-refuse-planning-permission-for-building-50-houses-on-land-near-furness-abbey

Sunday, 25 May 2014

Get Gove reading? Get him OUT!!!

Well I was planning a nice positive post today until I read about Gove's "brave new world" of literature! So out with the fluffy and in with the bloody battleaxe! And he has irritated my already painful shingles-I loathe this man-he is the anti-Christ...(allegedly!)

Channel 4 News posted a blog on Gove's prospective unveiling of the new literature curriculum and I could not believe what I read. Tough classics such as Steinbeck's "Of Mice and Men", Miller's "The Crucible" and Harper Lee's "To Kill a Mocking Bird" are to be removed...mainly because "Gove doesn't like them" and because they are American!

Deep breaths while I hyperventilate! I want to scream... I want to shout... I want to rip his head off! What sort of decision making process is that? He doesn't like them? So what? So now education is to be designed to suit the negative, retro-grade and narrow viewpoint of just one man? Surely some civil servant or Junior Minister should be quietly tapping him on the shoulder and saying-"Gove, No! This is out of order!" Does nobody in the education department have a say? Do none of the academics who are involved in curriculum design have the guts to say no? How can a country's curriculum be designed around the whim of one man?

Apart from anything the reason these texts were included in the first place was because they taught life lessons and asked the right questions, giving young people the chance to understand and make decisions about some difficult concepts. I read "To Kill a Mocking Bird" at 14 and it hooked me immediately. This was then followed up by the excellent Gregory Peck film which opened up the idea that human beings can act in many different ways toward each other. The polarisation of the good and bad characters exemplifies what is still wrong in society and the story being told simplistically by the little girl Scout emphasises those themes. Its an amazing book and it opened my eyes to man's inhumanity to man, real danger, bigotry, prejudice, tolerance, fairness and justice. It can still do the same today and if read at  a young age cannot fail to promote empathy and the development of a sense of equality and fairness. To remove such texts because they are "American" is blatantly bigoted in itself.

To return the literature curriculum to mostly British and pre war is to limit and censor! It make literature a sterile subject with nothing current and new emerging! I love the classics and believe pupils should be given a taster, but they are not the whole "story" surely writing is constantly changing and developing  and we should celebrate and embrace all types of genres and authors?

I notice there has already been a retraction and fudging of the facts as written in the Telegraph article! Well I will wait to see the reality-there is usually no smoke without fire in Gove's case...and I still insist and demand somebody in the Department gets hold of him by his scrawny neck and give him a good talking to!
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